Appendix.
G R E E N S,
GROATS-VVORTH
of Wit,
bought with a
million of Repentance.
Describing the follie of youth, the
falshoode of make-
shift flatterers, the miserie of the
negligent,
and mischiefes of deceiuing
Courtezans.
Written before his death and published at
his dyeing request.
Fœlicem fuisse
infaustum.
[image]
L
O N D ON
Imprinted for
1 5 9 2.
The printer to the gentle readers.
Haue published heere Gentlemen for your
mirth and benefite
groates worth of wit. VVith sundry of his
pleasant discourses, ye haue
beene before delighted: But now hath
death giuen a period to his pen:
onely this happened into my handes which
I haue published for your
pleasures: Accept it fauourably because
it was his last birth and not
least worth: In my poore opinion. But I
will cease to praise that which is
aboue my conceipt, and leaue it selfe to
speake for it selfe: and so abide
your learned censuring.
Yours
To the Gentlemen Readers.
Entlemen. The Swan sings melodiously
before death, that in all his life
vseth but a iarring sound.
deeplyer searched with sickenes than euer
heeretofore, sendes you his
Swanne like songe, for that he feares he
shal ne[u]er againe
you
woonted loue layes, neuer againe discouer to you youths pleasures. How
euer yet sickenesse, riot, Incontinence,
haue at once shown their
extremitie, yet if I recouer, you shall
all see, more fresh sprigs, then
euer sprang from me, directing you how to
liue, yet not diswading ye from
loue. This is the last I haue writ, and I
feare me the last I shall
writ[e]. And how euer I haue beene
censured for some of my former bookes,
yet Gentlemen I protest, they were as I
had speciall information. But
passing them, I commend this to your
fauourable censures, and like an
Embrion without shape, I feare me will be
thrust into the world. If I liue
to ende it, it shall be otherwise: if
not, yet will I commend it to your
courtesies, that you may as well be
acquainted with my repentant death, as
you haue lamented my careles course of
life. But as Nemo ante obitum
I deserue, I leaue the worke to your
likinges, and leaue you to your
delightes.
G
R E E N E S.
GROATES-VVORTH
OF WIT.
N an Iland bounded with the Ocean there
was sometime a Cittie situated,
made riche by Marchandize, and populous
by long peace: the name is not
mentioned in the Antiquarie, or els worne
out by times Antiquitie, what it
was greatly skilles not: but therein thus
it happened. An old new made
Gentleman herein dwelt, of no small
credit, exceeding wealth, and large
conscience: he had gathered from many to
bestowe vpon one, for though he
had two sonnes he estemed but one, that
being as himselfe, brought vp to
be golds bondman, was therefore held
heire apparant of his ill gathered
goods.
The other was a Scholler, and maried
to a proper Gentlewoman and
therefore least regarded, for tis an old
sayd saw: To learning & law,
thers no greater foe than they that
nothing know: yet was not the father
altogether vnlettered, for he had good
experience in a Nouerint, and by
the vniuersall tearmes therein contained,
had driuen many a yoong
Gentleman to seeke vnknowen countries,
wise he was, for he boare office in
his parish and sate as formally in his
foxfurd gowne, as if he had been a
very vpright dealing Burges: he was
religious to, neuer without a booke at
his belt, and a bolt in his mouthe,
readye to shoote through his sinfull
neighbor.
And Latin hee had some where learned, which
though it were but little,
yet was it profitable, for he had this
Philosophie written in a ring, Tu
tibi cura, which precept he curiously
onserued, being in selfeloue so
religious, as he held it no poynt of
charitie to part with any thing, of
which hee liuing might make vse.
But as all mortall things are
momenta[r]ie, and no certaintie can bee
founde in this vncertaine world: so
Gorinius, (for that shall be this
Usurers name) after many a gowtie pang that
had pincht his exterior
partes, many a curse of the people that
mou[n]ted into heuens presence,
was at last with his last summons, by a
deadly disese arrested,
wher-against when hee had long contended,
and was by Phisitions giuen
ouer, hee cald his two sonnes before him:
and willing to performe the olde
prouerbe Qualis vita finis Ita, he thus
prepard himselfe, and admonished
them. My sonnes (for so your mother said
ye were) and so I assure my selfe
one of you is, and of the other I will
make no doubt.
You se the time is com, which I
thought would neuer haue approched and
we must now be seperated, I feare neuer
to meete againe. This sixteene
yeares daily haue I liude vexed with
disease: and might I liue sixteen
more, howe euer miserably, I should
thinke it happye. But death is
relentlesse, and will not be intreated
witles: and knowes not what good my
gold might do him: senseles & hath no
pleasure in the delightful places I
would offer him. In briefe, I thinke he
hath with this foole my eldest
sonne been brought vp in the vniuersitie,
and therefore accounts that in
riches is no vertue. But thou my son, (laying
then his hand on the yongers
head) haue thou another spirit: for
without wealth, life is a death: what
is gentry if welth be wanting, but bace
seruile beggerie? Some comfort yet
it is vnto me, to see how many Gallants
sprunge of noble parents, haue
croucht to Gorinius to haue sight of his
gold: O gold, desired golde,
admired golde! and haue lost their
patrimonies to Gorinius, because they
haue not returned by their day that
adored creature! How many schollers
haue written rimes in Gorinius praise,
and receiued (after long capping
and reuerence) a sixpeny reward in signe
of my superficiall liberality.
Breefly my yong Lucanio how I haue beene
reuerenst thou seest, when
honester men I confesse haue been set
farre off: for to be rich is to bee
any thing, wise, honest, worshipful, or
what not. I tell thee my sonne:
when I came first to this Citie my whole
wardrop was onely a sute of white
sheepe skins, my wealth an olde groat, my
wooning, the wide world. At this
instant (o griefe to part with it) I haue
in ready coine threescore
thousand pound, in plate and Iewels xv.
thousand; in Bondes and
specialties as much, in land nine hundred
pound by the yeere: all which,
Lucanio I bequeath to thee, onely I
reserue for Roberto thy well red
brother an olde groat, (being ye stocke I
first began with[)] wherewith I
wish him to buy a groats-worth of wit:
for he in my life hath reprooud my
maner of life, and therefore at my death, shall not be contaminated with
corrupt gaine. Heere by the way Gentlemen
must I digresse to shewe the
reason of Gorinius present speach:
Roberto being come from the Academie,
to visit his father, there was a great
feast prouided: where for table
talke, Roberto knowing his father and
most of the company to be execrable
vsurers, inuayed mightely against the
abhorred vice, insomuche that hee
vrged teares from diuers of their eyes,
and compunction in some of their
hearts. Dinner being past, he comes to
his father, requesting him to take
no offence at his liberall speech, seeing
what he had vttered was truth.
Angry sonne (said he) no by my honesty
(and that is som what I may say to
you) but vse it still, and if thou canst
perswade any of my neighbours
from lending vppon vsurie I should haue
the more customers: to which when
Roberto would haue replyde hee shut
himselfe into his studdy, and fell to
tell ouer his mony.
This was Robertos offence: now
returne, we to sicke Gorinius, who
after he had thus vnequally distributed
his goods and possessions, began
to ask his sonnes how they liked his
bequestes: either seemed agreed, and
Roberto vrged him with nothing more than
repentance of his [sin: Loke] to
thine owne said he, fond boy, & come
my Lucanio, let me giue thee good
counsell before my death: as for you sir,
your bookes are your
counsellors, and therefore to them I
bequeathe you. Ah Lucanio, my onely
comfort, because I hope thou wilt as thy
father be a gatherer, let me
blesse thee before I dye. Multiply in
welth my sonne by anie meanes thou
maist, onely flye Alchymie, for therein
are more deceites than her
beggerlye Artistes haue words; and yet
are the wretches more talkatiue
then women. But my meaning is, thou
shouldest not stand on conscience in
causes of profite, but heape treasure
vpon treasure, for the time of
neede: yet seeme to be deuout, els shalt
thou be held vyle: frequent holy
exercises graue companie, and aboue al
vse the conuersation of yoong
Gentlemen, who are so wedded to
prodigalitie, that once in a quarter
necissitie knocks at their chamber
doores: profer them kindnesse to
relieue their wants, but be sure of good
assurance: giue faire wordes till
dayes of paiment come, & then vse my
course, spare none: what though they
tell of conscience (as a number will
talke) looke but into the dealings of
the world, and thou shalt see it is but
idle words. Seest thou not many
perish in the streetes, and fall to theft
for neede: whom small succor
would releeue, then where is conscience,
and why art thou bound to vse it
more than other men? Seest thou not daily
forgeries periuries,
oppressions, rackinges of the poore,
raisinges of rents, inhauncing of
duties euen by them that should be al
conscience, if they ment as they
speake: but Lucanio if thou reade well
this booke (and with that hee
reacht him Machaiuels workes at large)
thou shalt se, what tis to be
foole-holy as to make scruple of
conscience where profit presents it
selfe.
Besides, thou hast an instance by the threed-bare brother heere, who
willing to do no wrong, hath lost his
childes right: for who woulde wish
any thing to him, that knowes not how to
vse it.
So much Lucanio for conscience: &
yet I know not whats the reason, but
some-what stinges mee inwardly when I
speake of it. I, father, said
Roberto, it is the worme of conscience,
that vrges you at the last houre
to remember your life, that eternall life
may follow your repentance. Out
foole (sayd this miserable father[),] I
feele it now, it was onely a
stitch. I will forwarde with my
exhortation to Lucanio. As I said my
sonne, make spoyle of yoong Gallants, by
insiuating thy selfe amongst
them, & be not mooued to think their
Auncestors were famous, but consider
thine were obscure, and that thy father
was the first Gentleman of the
name: Lucanio, thou are yet a Bachelor,
and soe keepe thee till thou meete
with one that is thy equall, I meane in
wealth: regarde not beautie, it is
but a bayte to entice thine neighbors
eye: and the most faire are commonly
most fond, vse not too many familiars,
for few prooue frendes, and as
easie it is to weigh the wind, as to diue
into the thoughts of worldlye
glosers. I tell thee Lucanio, I haue
seene foure- scoore winters besides
the od seuen, yet saw I neuer him, that I
esteemed as my friend but gold,
that desired creature, whom I haue so
deerely loued, and found so firme a
frind, as nothing to me hauing it hath
beene wanting. No man but may
thinke deerly of a true friend, & so
do I of it laying it vnder sure
locks, and lodging my heart there-with.
But now (Ah my Lucanio) now must I
leaue it, and to thee I leaue with
this lessen, loue none but thy selfe, if
thou wilt liue esteemd. So
turning him to his studdy, where his
chiefe treasure lay, he loud cryde
out in the wise mans woords, O mors quam
amara, O death how bitter is thy
memorie to him that hath al pleasures in
this life, & so with two or three
lamentable grones hee left his life: and
to make short worke, was by
Lucanio his sonne interd, as the custome
is with some solemnitie: But
leauing him that hath left the world to
him yt censureth of euery worldly
man, passe wee to his sonnes: and se how
his long laid vp store is by
Lucanio lookyd into. The youth was of
condition simple, shamfast, &
flexible to any counsaile, which Roberto
perceiuing, and pondering howe
little was lefte to him, grew into an
inward contempt of his fathers
vnequall legacie, and determinate
resolution to worke Lucanio al possible
inurie: herevpon thus conuerting the
sweetnes of his studdye to the sharpe
thirst of reuenge, he (as Enuie is
seldome idle) sought out fit companions
to effect his vnbrotherly resolution.
Neither in such a case is ill
company farre to seeke, for ye Sea hath
scarce so [many] ioperdies, as
populous Citties haue deceiuing Syrens,
whose eies are Adamants, whose
words are witchcrafts, whose doores lead
downe to death. With one of these
female serpents Roberto consorts, and
they conclude what euer they
compassed equally to share to their
contentes. This match made, Lucanio
was by his brother brought to the bush,
where he had scarce pruned his
wings but hee was fast limd, and Roberto
had what he expected. But that
wee may keepe forme, you shall heare howe
it fortuned.
Lucanio being on a time verie
pensiue, his brother brake with him in
these tearmes. I wonder Lucanio why you
are disconsolate, that want not
any thinge in the worlde that may worke
your content. If wealth may
delight a man, you are with that
suffic[i]ently furnisht: if credit may
procure any comfort, your word I knowe
well, is as well accepted as any
mans obligation: in this Citie, are faire
buildings and pleasant gardens,
and cause of solace: of them I am assured
you haue your choyse. Consider
brother you are yoong, then plod not
altogether in meditating on our
fathers precepts: which howsoeuer they
sauored of profit, were most
vnsauerly to one of your yeeres applied.
You must not thinke but certaine
Marchants of this Citie expect your
company, sundry Gentlemen desire your
familiarity, and by co[n]uersing with
such, you will be accounted a
Gentleman: otherwise a pesant, if ye liue
thus obscurely. Besides which I
had almost forgot, and then had all the
rest beene nothing, you are a man
by nature furnished with all exquisite
proportion, worthy the loue of any
courtly lady, be she neuer so amorous:
you haue wealth to maintaine her,
of women not little longed for: wordes to
court her you shall not want,
for my selfe will be your secretarie.
Brieflie, why stande I to
distinguish abilitie in perticularities,
when in one word it may be said
which no man can gainsay, Lucanio lacketh
nothing to delight a wife, nor
any thing but a wife to delight him? My
yoong maister beeing thus clawd,
and puft vp with his owne praise, made no
longer delay, but hauing on his
holidaie hose hee trickt himselfe vp, and
like a fellowe that meant good
sooth, hee clapt his brother on the
shoulder and said. Faith brother
Roberto, and ye say the worde lets go
seeke a wife while tis hoat, both of
vs together, Ile pay well, and I dare
tourne you loose to say as well as
any of them all, well Ile doo my best
said Roberto and since ye are so
forwarde lets goe nowe and try your good
fortune.
With this foorth they walke, and
Roberto went directly toward the
house where Lamilia (for so wee call the
Curtizan) kept her hospitall,
which was in the suburbes of the Citie,
pleasantly seated, and made more
delectable by a pleasaunt garden wherein
it was scituate. No soner come
they within ken, but Mistris Lamilia like
a cunning angler made readye her
change of baytes that shee might effect
Lucanios bane: and to begin she
discouered from her window her beauteous
enticing face, and taking a lute
in her hand that shee might the rather
allure, shee sung this sonnet with
a delicious voyce,
Lamilias song.
Fie fie on blind fancie,
It hinder youths ioy:
Faire virgins learne by me,
To count loue a toy.
When Loue learned first the A B C of
delight,
And knew no figures, nor conceited
phrase:
He simplie gaue to due desert her
right,
He led not louers in darke winding
wayes:
He plainly wild to loue, or flatly
answerd no,
But now who lists to proue, shall
find it nothing so,
Fie fie then on fancie,
It hinders youths ioy,
Faire virgins learne by me,
To count loue a toy.
For since he learnd to vse the Poets
pen,
He learnd likewise with smoothing words
to faine,
Witching chast eares with trothles
tungs of men,
And wronged faith with falshood and
disdaine.
He giues a promise now, anon he
sweareth no,
Who listeth for to proue shall find
his changings so:
Fie fie then on fancie,
It hinders youthes ioy,
Faire virgins learne by me,
To count loue a toy.
While this painted sepulcher was
shadowing her corrupting guilt,
Hiena-like alluring to destruction,
Roberto and Lucanio vnder her windowe
kept euen pace with euery stop of her
instrument, but especially my yoong
Ruffler, (that before time like a bird in
a cage, had beene prentise for
three liues or one and twentie yeeres at
lest to extreame Auarice his
deceased father). O twas a world to see
how he sometime simperd it,
striuing to set a countenance on his new
turnd face, that it might seeme
of wainscot proofe, to behold her face
without blushing: anone he would
stroke his bow-bent-leg, as if he ment to
shoote loue arrows from his
shins: then wypt his chin (for his beard
was not yet growen) with a gold
wrought handkercher, whence of purpose he
let fall a handfull of Angels.
This golden shower was no sooner raind,
but Lamila ceast her song, and
Roberto (assuring himselfe the foole was
caught) came to Lucanio (that
stood now as one that had stard Medusa in
the face) and awaked him from
his amazement with these words: What in a
traunce brother? whence springs
these dumps? are yee amazd at this
obiect? or long ye to become loues
subiect? Is there not difference betweene
this delectable life, and the
imprisonment you haue all your life
hitherto indured? If the sight and
hearing of this harmonious beautie work
in you effects of wonder, what
will the possession of so diuine an
essence, wherein beautie & Art dwell
in their perfect excellence. Brother said
Lucanio lets vse fewe words, and
she be no more then a woman, I trust
youle helpe me to win her? and if you
doe, well, I say no more, but I am yours
till death vs depart, and what is
mine shal be yours, world without end
Amen.
Roberto smiling at his simplenes,
helpte him to gather vppe his dropt
golde, and without anye more
circumstance, led him to Lamilias house: for
of such places it may be said as of hell.
Noctes atque dies patet atri iannua
ditis.
So their doores are euer open to
entice youth to distruction. They
were no sooner entred but Lamilia her
selfe like a second Helen, court
like begins to salute Roberto, yet did
her wandring eie glance often at
Lucanio: the effect of her intertainment
consisted in these tearmes, that
to her simple house Signor Roberto was
welcome, & his brother the better
welcome for his sake: albeit his good
report confirmde by his present
demeaner were of it selfe enough to giue
him deserued entertainement in
any place how honourable soeuer: mutuall
thankes returnd, they lead this
prodigall child into a parlor garnished
with goodly portratures of amiable
personages: nere which an excellent
consert of musike began at their
entraunce to play. Lamilia seeing Licanio
shamefast, tooke him by the
hand, and tenderly wringing him vsed
these words: Beleeue me Gentleman, I
am very sorie that our rude entertainment
is such, as no way may worke
your content, for this I haue noted since
your first entering that your
countenance hath beene heauie, and the
face being the glasse of the hart,
assures me the same is not quiet: would
ye wish any thing heere that might
content you, say but the word, and assure
ye of present diligence to
effect your full delight. Lucanio being
so farre in loue, as he perswaded
himselfe without her grant hee could not
liue, had a good meaninge to
vtter his minde but wanting fit wordes,
hee stoode like a trewant that
lackt a prompter, or a plaier that being
out of his part at his first
entrance, is faine to haue the booke to
speake what he should performe.
Which Roberto perceiuing, replied thus in
his behalfe: Madame the Sunnes
brightnesse daisleth the beholders eies,
the maiestie of Gods, amazeth
humane men, Tullie Prince of Orators once
fainted though his cause were
good, and hee that tamed monsters stoode
amated at Beauties ornaments:
Then blame not this yoong man though hee
replied not, for he is blinded
with the beautie of your sunne darkening
eies, made mute with the
celestiall organe of your voyce, and
feare of that rich ambush of amber
colored darts, whose pointes are leueld
against his hart. Well Signor
Roberto said shee, how euer you interpret
their shape leuell, be sure they
are not bent to doo him hurt, and but
that modestie blindes vs poore
maydens from vttering the inward sorrow
of our mindes, perchance the cause
of greefe is ours how euer men do colour,
for as I am a virgin I protest,
(and therewithall shee tainted her
cheekes with a vermillion blush) I
neuer saw Gentleman in my life in my eie
so gratious as is Lucanio onely
this is my greefe, that either I am
dispised for that he scornes to speak,
or els (which is my greater sorrow) I
feare he cannot speake. Not speake
Gentlewoman quoth Lucanio? that were a
iest indeed, yea I thanke God I am
sounde of wind and lym, only my hart is
not as it was wont, but and you be
as good as your word that will soone be
well, and so crauing ye of more
acquaintance, in token of my plaine
meaning receiue this diamond, which my
old father loud deerely: and with that
deliuered her a ringe wherein was a
pointed diamonds of wonderfull worth.
Which she accepting with a lowe
conge, returnd him a silke Riband for a
fauour tyed with a true loues
knot, which he fastened vnder a faire
Iewel on his Beuer felt.
After this Diomedis & Glauci
permutatio, my yong master waxed crancke,
and the musike continuing, was very
forward in dauncing, to shew his
cunning: and so desiring them to play on
a horne-pipe, laid on the
pauement lustely with his leaden heeles,
coruetting like a steede of
Signor Roccoes teaching, and wanted
nothing but bels, to bee a hobbyhorse
in a morrice. Yet was he soothed in his
folly, and what euer he did,
Lamilia counted excellent: her praise
made him proude, insomuch that if he
had not beene intreated, hee would rather
haue died in his daunce, then
left off to shew his mistris delight. At
last reasonably perswaded, seeing
the table furnished, he was content to
cease, and settle him to his
victuals, on which (hauing before
labored) he fed lustily, especially of a
Woodcocke pie, wherewith Lamilia his
caruer, plentifully plied him. Full
dishes hauing furnisht empty stomackes,
and Lucanio thereby got leisure to
talke, falles to discourse of his wealth,
his landes, his bondes, his
ability, and how himselfe with all he
had, was at madame Lamilias
disposing: desiring her afore his brother
to tell him simply what shee
meant. Lamilia replied: My sweet Lucanio,
how I esteeme of thee mine eies
does witnes, that like handmaides, haue
attended thy beautious face, euer
since I firste beheld thee: yet seeing
loue that lasteth gathereth by
degrees his liking: let this for that
suffice, if I finde thee firme,
Lamilia wilbe faithful: if fleeting, she
must of necessity be infortunate:
that hauing neuer seene any whome shee
could affect, she shoulde be of him
iniuriously forsaken. Nay said Lucanio, I
dare say my brother here will
giue his woord for that[.] I accept your
own said Lamlia: for with me your
credit is better than your brothers.
Roberto brake off their amorous
prattle with this speech. sith either of
you are of other so fond at the
first sight, I doubt not but time will
make your loue more firme. Yet
madame Lamilia although my brother and
you be thus forward, some crosse
chaunce may come: for Multa cadunt inter
calicem supremaq; labe. And for a
warning to teach you both wit, Ile tell
you an old wiues tale.
Before ye goe on with your tale (qd
mistres Lamilia) let me giue ye a
caueat by the way, which shall be figured
in a fable.
Lamilias Fable.
The Foxe on a time came to visit the Gray,
partly for kindered cheefly
for craft, and finding the hole emptie of
all other company, sauing onely
one Badger enquiring the cause of his
solitarinesse: hee described the
sodaine death of his dam and sire with
the rest of his consortes. The Foxe
made a Friday face, counterfeiting
sorrow: but concludinge that deaths
stroke was vneuitable perswaded him to
seeke som fit mate wherwith to
match. The badger soone agreed, so forth
they went, and in their way met
with a wa[n]ton ewe stragling from the
fold: the Foxe bad the Badger play
the tall stripling, and strout on his
tiptoes: for (qd he) this ewe is
lady of al these lawnds and her brother
cheefe belweather of sundry
flockes. To be short by the Foxes
persuasion there would be a perpetuall
league, betweene her harmelesse kindred
and al other deuouring beastes,
for that the Badger was to them all
allied: seduced she yeelded: and the
Foxe conducted them to the Bagers habitation. Wher drawing her aside
vnder
color of exhortation, puld out her throat
to satisfie his greedy thirst.
Here I shoulde note, a yonge whelpe that
viewed their walke, infourmed the
shepheardes of what hapned. They
followed, and trained the Foxe and Badger
to the hole: the Foxe afore had craftely
conuaid himselfe away: the
shepheards found the Badger rauing for
the ewes murther: his lame[n]tation
being helde for counterfet, was by the
shepherds dog werried. The Foxe
escaped: the Ewe was spoiled: and euer
since, betweene the Badgers and the
dogs hath continued a mortall enmitie:
And now be aduised Roberto (qd
she), goe forward with your tale, seek
not by sly insinuation to turne our
mirth to sorrow. Go to Lamilia (qd hee),
you feare what I meane not, but
howe euer yee take it, Ile forward with
my tale.
Robertoes Tale.
N the North partes there dwelt an olde
Squier, that had a young daughter
his heire; who had (as I know Madame
Lamilia you haue had) many youthfull
Gentlemen that long time sued to obtaine
her loue. But she knowing her own
perfections (as women are by nature
proud) would not to any of them
vouchsafe fauour: insomuch that they
perceiuing her relentlesse, shewed
themselues not altogether witlesse, but
left her to her fortune, when they
found her frowardnes. At last it fortuned
among other strangers, a Farmers
sonne visited her Fathers house: on whom at
the first sight she was
enamored, he likewise on her. Tokens of
loue past betweene them, either
acquainted others parentes of their
choise, and they kindly gaue their
consent. Short tale to make, married they
were, and great solemnitie was
at the wedding feast. A yong Gentleman,
that had beene long a suiter to
her, vexing that the Sonne of a Farmer
should be so prefered, cast in his
minde by what meanes (to marre their merriment)
hee might steale away the
Bride. Hereupon he confers with an old
Beldam, called Mother Gunby,
dwelling thereby, whose counsell hauing
taken, he fell to his practise,
and proceeded thus. In the after noone,
when dauncers were verie busie, he
takes the Bride by the hande, and after a
turne or two, tels her in her
eare, he had a secret to impart vnto her,
appointing her in any wise in
the euening to find a time to confer with
him: she promist she would, and
so they parted. Then goes hee to the
Bridegroome, & with protestations of
entire affect, protests that the great
sorrow hee takes at that which hee
must vtter, whereon depended his especial
credit, if it were known the
matter by him should be discouered. After
the Bridegrooms promise of
secrecie, the gentleman tels him, that a
frend of his receiued that
morning from the Bride a Letter, wherein
shee willed him with some
sixteene horse to awaite her comming at a
Parke side, for that she
detested him in her heart as a base
countrey hynde, with whom her father
compeld her to marry. The Bridegroome
almost out of his wits, began to
bite his lip. Nay, sayth the Gentleman,
if you will by me bee aduised, you
shall salue her credit, win her by
kindnes, and yet preuent her wanton
complot. As how said the Bridegroome?
Mary thus saide the Gentleman: In
the euening (for till the guests be gone
she intends not to gad) get you
on horsebacke, and seeme to be of the
companie that attends her comming: I
am appoynted to bring her from the house
to the Parke, and from thence
fetch a winding compasse of a mile about,
but to turne vnto old Mother
Gunbyes house, where her Louer my friend
abydes: when she alights, I will
conduct her to a chamber farre from his
lodging; but when the lights are
out, and shee expects her adulterous
copesmate, your selfe (as reason is)
shall proue her bedfellow, where priuately
you may reprooue her, and in
the morning earely returne home without
trouble. As for the Gentleman my
friend, I will excuse her absence to him,
by saying, she mockt me with her
Mayde in steade of her selfe, whome when
I knew at her alighting, I
disdained to bring her vnto his presence.
The Bridegroome gaue his hand
[it] should be so.
Now by the way you must vnderstand,
this Mother Gunby had a daughter,
who all that day sate heauily at home
with a willow garland, for that the
Bridegoome (if hee had dealt faithfully)
should haue wedded before any
other. But men (Lamilia) are vnconstant,
mony now a dayes makes the match,
or else the match is marde.
But to the matter: the Bridegroome
and the Gentleman thus agreed[: h]e
tooke his time, confered with the Bride,
perswaded her that her husband
(notwithstanding his faire shew at the
marriage) had sworne to his old
sweete heart, their neighbour Gunbyes
daughter, to bee that night her
bedfellow: and if she would bring her
Father, his Father, and other
friendes to the house at midnight, they
should finde it so.
At this the young Gentlewoman
inwardly vext to be by a peasant so
abusde, promist if she saw likelyhood of
his slipping away, that then she
would doo according as he directed.
All this thus sorting, the old womans
daughter was trickly attyrde
ready to furnish this pageant, for her
old mother prouided all things
necessarie.
Well, Supper past, dauncing ended,
and the guests would home, and the
Bridegroome pretending to bring some
friend of his home, got his horse,
and to the Parke side he rode, and staide
with the horsemen that attended
the Gentleman.
Anone came Marian like mistris Bride,
and mounted behind the
Gentleman, away they post, fetch their
compasse, & at last alight at an
olde wiues house, where sodenly she is
conuayd to her chamber, & the
bridegroome sent to keep her company,
where he had scarse deuisd how to
begin his exhortation: but the Father of
his Bryde knockt at the chamber
doore. At which being somewhat amazed,
yet thinking to turne it to a
ieast, sith his Wife (as he thought) was
in bed with him, hee opened the
doore, saying: Father, you are hartily
welcome, I wonder how you found vs
out heere; this deuise to remooue our
selues, was with my wiues consent,
that we might rest quietly without the
Maides and Batchelors disturbing.
But wheres your wife said the gentleman:
why heere in bed saide he. I
thought (quoth the other ) my daughter
had beene your wife, for sure I am
to day shee was giuen you in marriage. You
are merrely disposed, said the
Bridegroome, what thinke you I haue
another wife: I thinke but as you
speake quoth the Gentleman, for my
daughter is below, and you say your
wife is in the bed. Below (said he) you
are a merry man, and with that
casting on a night gowne, hee went downe,
where when he saw his wife, the
Gentleman his Father, and a number of his
friends assembled, he was so
confounded, that how to behaue himselfe
he knew not; onely he cryde out
that he was deceiued. At this the olde
woman arises, and making her selfe
ignoraunt of all the whole matter,
inquires the cause of that sodayne
tumult. When she was tolde the new
Bridegroome was founde in bed with her
daughter, she exclaimed against so great
an iniurie. Marian was called in
quorum: she iustified, it was by his
allurement: he being condemned by al
their consents, was iudged vnworthy to
haue the Gentlewoman vnto his Wife,
and compeld (for escaping of punishment)
to marrie Marian: and the young
Gentleman (for his care in discouering
the Farmers sonnes lewdnes) was
recompenst with the Gentlewomans euer
during loue.
Quoth Lamilia, and what of this: Nay
nothing saide Roberto, but that I
haue told you the effects of sodaine
loue: yet the best is, my brother is
a maidenly Batchler; and for youe selfe,
you haue not beene troubled with
many suiters. The fewer the better, said
Lucanio. But brother, I con you
little thanke for this tale: hereafter I
pray you vse other table talke.
Lets then end talk, quoth Laimilia, and
you (signior Lucanio) and I will
go to the Chesse. To Chesse, said he,
what meane you by that: It is a
game, said she, that the first daunger is
but a checke, the worst, the
giuing of a mate. Wel, said Roberto, that
game yee haue beene at alreadie
then, for you checkt him first with your
beauty, & gaue him your selfe for
mate to him by your bounty. Thats wel
taken brother, said Lucanio, so haue
we past our game at Chesse. Wil ye play
at Tables then, said she: I
cannot, quoth he, for I can goe no
further with my game, if I be once
taken. Will ye play then at cards. I said
he, if it bee at one and
thirtie. That fooles game, said she: Wele
all to hazard, said Roberto, and
brother you shall make one for an houre
or two: content quoth he. So to
dice they went, and fortune so fauored
Lucanio, that while they continued
square play, hee was no looser. Anone
coosonage came about, and his Angels
being double winged, flew cleane from
before him. Lamilia being the
winner, preparde a banquet; which
finished, Roberto aduised his brother to
departe home, and to furnish himselfe
with more Crownes, least hee were
outcrackt with new commers.
Lucanio loath to be outcountenanst,
followed his aduise, desiring to
attend his retur[n]e, which he before had
determined vnrequested: For as
soone as his brothers backe was turned,
Roberto begins to recken with
Lamilia, to bee a sharer as well in the
mony deceitfully wonne, as in the
Diamond so wilfully giuen. But she,
secundum mores meretricis, iested thus
with the scholler. Why Roberto, are you
so well read, and yet shewe your
selfe so shallow witted, to deeme women
so weake of conceit, that they see
not into mens demerites. Suppose (to make
you my stale to catch the
woodcocke your brother) that my tongue
ouer-running myne intent, I spake
of liberall rewarde; but what I promised,
theres the point; at least what
I part with I will be well aduised. It
may be you wil thus reason: Had not
Roberto traind Lucanio vnto Lamilias
lure, Lucanio had not now beene
Lamilias pray: therfore sith by Roberto
she possesseth the prize, Roberto
merites an equall part. Monstrous absurd
if so you reason; as wel you may
reason thus: Lamilias dog hath kild her a
deere, therefore his Mistris
must make him a pastie. No poore
pennilesse Poet, thou art beguilde in
mee, and yet I wonder how thou couldst,
thou hast beene so often beguilde.
But it fareth with licentious men, as
with the chased Bore in the streame,
who being greatly refresht with swimming,
neuer feeleth a[n]ie smart
vntill hee perish recurelesly wounded
with his owne weapons. Reasonlesse
Roberto, that hauing but a brokers place,
asked a lenders reward. Faithles
Roberto, that hast attempted to betray
thy brother, irreligiously forsaken
thy Wife, deseruedly beene in thy fathers
eie an abiect: thinkst thou
Lamilia so loose, to consort with one so
lewd. No hypocrite, the sweete
Gentleman thy brother, I will till death
loue, & thee while I liue, loath.
This share Lamilai giues thee, other
getst thou none.
As Roberto would haue replide,
Lucanio approcht: to whom Lamilia
discourst the whole deceipt of his
brother, & neuer rested intimating
malitious arguments, till Lucanio vtterly
refusde Roberto for his brother,
& for euer forbad him his house. And
when he wold haue yeelded reasons,
and formed excuse, Lucanios impatience
(vrged by her importunate malice)
forbad all reasoning with them that was
reasonlesse, and so giuing him
Jacke Drums intertainment, shut him out
of doores: whom we will follow, &
leaue Lucanio to the mercie of Lamilia.
Roberto in an extreme extasie rent
his haire, curst his destenie, blamd his
trechery, but most of all
exclaimd against Lamilia: and in her
against all enticing Curtizans, in
these tearms.
What meant the Poets in inuectiue
verse,
To sing Medeas shame, and Scillas
pride,
Calipsoes charmes, by which so many dyde?
Onely for this their vices they
rehearse,
That curious wits which in this
world conuerse,
May shun the dangers and enticing
shoes,
of such false Syrens, those
home-breeding foes,
That from their eies their venim do
disperse.
So soone kils not the Basiliske
with sight,
The Vipers tooth is not so
venemous,
The Adders tung not halfe so
dangerous,
As they that beare the shadow of
delight,
Who chaine blinde youths in tramels of
their haire,
Till wast bring woe, and sorrow hast
despaire.
With this he laide his head on his hand,
and leant his elbow on the ground
sighing out sadly,
Heu patior telis vunera facta meis.
On the other side of the hedge sate
one that heard his sorrow, who
getting ouer, came towards him, and brake
off his passion. When hee
approached, hee saluted Roberto in this
sort.
Gentleman, quoth hee (for so you
seeme), I haue by chaunce heard you
discourse some part of your greefe; which
appeareth to be more than you
will discouer, or I can conceipt. But if
you vouchsafe such simple comfort
as my abilitie may yeeld, assure your
selfe, that I wil endeuour to doe
the best, that either may procure you
profit, or bring you pleasure: the
rather, for that I suppose you are a
scholler, and pittie it is men of
learning should liue in lacke.
Roberto wondring to heare such good
wordes, for that this iron age
affoordes few that esteeme of vertue;
returned him thankfull gratulations,
and (vrgde by necessitie) vttered his
present griefe, beseeching his
aduise how he might be imployed. Why,
easily quoth hee, and greatly to
your benefite: for men of my profession
gette by schollers their whole
liuing. What is your profession, sayd
Roberto? Truly, sir, saide he, I am
a player. A player, quoth Roberto, I
tooke you rather for a Gentleman of
great liuing, for if by outward habit men
should be censured, I tell you
you would be taken for a substantiall
man. So am I where I dwell (quoth
the player) reputed able at my proper
cost to build a Windmill. What
though the world once went hard with me,
when I was faine to carry my
playing Fardle a footebacke; Tempora
mutantur, I know you know the meaning
of it better than I, but I thus conster
it; its otherwise now; for my very
share in playing apparell will not be
sold for two hundred pounds. Truly
(said Roberto) tis straunge, that you
should so prosper in that vayne
practise, for that it seemes to mee your
voice is nothing gratious. Nay
then, saide the Player, I mislike your
iudgement: why, I am as famous for
Delphrigus, & the King of Fairies, as
euer was any of my time. The twelue
labors of Hercules haue I terribly
thundred on the Stage, and plaid three
Scenes of the Deuill in the Highway to
heauen. Haue ye so (saide Roberto?)
then I pray you pardon me. Nay more
(quoth the Player) I can serue to make
a pretie speech, for I was a countrey
Author, passing at a Morall, for
twas I that pende the Morall of mans
witte, the Dialogue of Diues, and for
seuen yeers space was absolute
Interpreter to the puppets. But now my
Almanacke is out of date:
The people make no estimation,
Of Morrals teaching education.
Was not this prettie for a plaine
rime extempore? if ye will ye shall
haue more. Nay its enough, said Roberto,
but how meane you to vse mee? Why
sir, in making Playes, said the other,
for which you shall be well paid,
if you will take the paines.
Roberto perceiuing no remedie, thought
best to respect of his present
necessitie, to trie his wit, & went
with him willingly: who lodgd him at
the Townes end in a house of retayle,
where what happened our Poet, you
shall after heare. There, by conuersing
with bad company, he grew A malo
in peius, falling from one vice to an
other: and so hauing found a vaine
to finger crowns, he grew cranker than
Lucanio, who by this time began to
droope, being thus dealt with by
Lami[l]ia. Shee hauing bewitched him with
hir enticing wiles, caused him to consume
in lesse than two yeeres that
infinite treasure gathered by his father
with so many a poore ma[n]s
curse. His lands sold, his iewels pawnd,
his money wasted, he was casseerd
by Lamilia, that had coosened him of all.
Then walkt he like one of Duke
Humfreys Squires, in a thread-bare
cloake, his hose drawne out with his
heeles, his shooes vnseamed, least his
feete should sweate with heat: now
(as witlesse as hee was) hee remembred
his Fathers words, his vnkindnes to
his brother, his carelesnes of himselfe.
In this sorrow hee sate downe on
pennilesse bench; where when Opus and
Vsus told him by the chimes in his
stomacke it was time to fall vnto meate, he was faine with the Camelion
to
feed vpon the aire, & make patience
his best repast.
While he was at this feast, Lamilia
came flaunting by, garnished with
the iewels whereof she beguiled him,
which sight serued to close his
stomacke after his cold cheare. Roberto
hearing of his brothers beggery,
albeit he had little remorse of his
miserable state, yet did he seeke him
out, to vse him as a propertie, whereby
Lucanio was somewhat prouided for.
But being of simple nature, hee serued
but for a blocke to whet Robertoes
wit on; which the poore foole perceiuing,
he forsooke all other hopes of
life, and fell to be a notorious Pandar,
in which detested course hee
continued till death. But Roberto, now
famozed for an
Arch-plaimaking-poet, his purse like the
sea sometime sweld; anon like the
same sea fell to a low ebbe; yet seldom
he wanted, his labors were so well
esteemed. Marry this rule he kept, what
euer he fingerd afore hand was the
certaine meanes to vnbinde a bargaine,
and being asked why he so slightly
dealt with them that did him good? It
becomes me, saith hee, to be
contrarie to the worlde, for commonly
when vulgar men receiue earnest,
they doe performe, when I am paid any
thing afore-hand I breake my
promise. He had shift of lodgings, where
in euery place his Hostesse writ
vp the wofull remembrance of him, his
launderesse, and his boy; for they
were euer in his houshold, beside
retainers in sundry other places. His
companie were lightly the lewdest person
in the land, apt for pilferie,
periurie, forgerie, or any villany. Of
these hee knew the casts to cog at
Cards, coosin at Dice: by these he learnd
the legerdemaines of nips,
foystes, connicatchers, crosbyters,
lifts, high Lawyers, and all the
rabble of that vncleane generation of
vipers: and pithily could he paint
out their whole courses of craft: So
cunning he was in all craftes, as
nothing rested in him almost but
craftines. How often the Gentlewoman his
Wife labored vainely to recall him, is
lamentable to note: but as one
giuen ouer to all lewdnes, he communicated
her sorrowfull lines among his
loose truls, that iested at her
bootelesse laments. If he could any way
get credite on scores, he would then brag
his creditors carried stones,
comparing euerie round circle to a
groning O, procured by a painfull
burden. The shamefull ende of sundry his
consorts, deseruedly punished for
their amisse, wrought no compunction in
his heart: of which one, brother
to a Brothell he kept, was trust vnder a
tree as round as a Ball.
To some of his swearing companions thus it
happened: A crue of them
sitting in a Tauerne carowsing, it
fortuned an honest Gentleman and his
friend, to enter their roome: some of
them being acquainted with him, in
their domineering drunken vaine would
haue no nay, but downe hee must
needes sitte with them; beeing placed, no
remedie there was, but he must
needes keep euen compasse with their
vnseemely carowsing. Which he
refusing, they fell from high words to
sound strokes, so that with much
adoe the Gentleman saued his owne, and
shifted from their company. Being
gone one of these tiplers forsooth lackt
a gold Ring, the other sware they
see the Gentleman take it from his hande.
Upon this the Gentleman was
indited before Iudge: these honest men
are deposde: whose wisedome
weighing the time of the braule, gaue
light to the Iury, what power
wine-washing poyson had, they according
vnto conscience found the
Gentleman not guiltie, and God released
by that verdict the innocent.
With his accusers thus it fared: one
of them for murther was worthily
executed: the other neuer since
prospered: the third, sitting not long
after vpon a lustie horse, the beast sodenly
dyde vnder him: God amend the
man.
Roberto euery day acquainted with
these examples, was notwithstanding
nothing bettered, but rather hardened in
wickednesse. At last was that
place iustified, God warneth men by dreams
and visions in the night, and
by knowne examples in the day, but if hee
returne not, hee comes vppon him
with iudgement that shall bee felt. For
now when the number of deceites
caused Roberto bee hatefull almost to all
men, his immeasurable drinking
had made him the perfect Image of the
dropsie, and the loathsome scourge
of Lust tyrannized in his bones: lying in
extreame pouerty, and hauing
nothing to pay but chalke, which now his
Host accepted not for currant,
this miserable man lay comfortlesly languishing, hauing but one groat
left
(the iust proportion of his Fathers
Legacie) which looking on, he cryd: O
now it is too late, too late to buy witte
with thee: and therefore will I
see if I can sell to carelesse youth what
I negligently forgot to buy.
Heere (Gentlemen) breake I off
Robertoes speach; whose life in most
parts agreeing with mine, found one selfe
punishment as I haue doone.
Heereafter suppose me the saide Roberto,
and I will goe on with that hee
promised: Greene will send you now his
groats-worth of wit, that neuer
shewed a mites-worth in his life: &
though no man now bee by to doe mee
good: yet ere I die I will by my
repentaunce indeuour to doo all men good.
Deceiuing world, that with alluring
toyes,
Hast made my life the subiect of thy
scorne:
And scornest now to lend thy fading
ioyes,
To length[en] my life, whom friends
haue left forlorne.
How well are they that die ere they be
borne,
And neuer see thy sleights, which
few men shun,
Till vnawares they helplesse are
vndone.
Oft haue I sung of Loue, and of his
fire,
But now I finde that Poet was aduizde;
Which made full feasts increasers of
desire,
And prooues weake loue was with the
poore despizde.
For when the life with foode is not
suffizde,
What thought of loue, what motion
of delight;
VVhat pleasance can proceed from
such a wight?
VVitnesse my want, the murderer of my
wit;
My rauisht sence of woonted furie reft;
VVants such conceit, as should in Poems
sit,
Set downe the sorrow wherein I am left:
But therefore haue high heauens their
gifts bereft:
Because so long they lent them me
to vse,
And I so long their bountie did
abuse.
O that a yeare were graunted me to
liue,
And for that yeare my former wits
restorde:
VVhat rules of life, what counsell
would I giue?
How should my sinne with sorrow be
deplorde?
But I must die of euery man abhorde.
Time loosely spent will not againe
be woonne,
My time is loosely spent, and I
vndone.
O horrenda fames, how terrible are
thy assaults? But Vermis
consientiæ, more wou[n]ding are thy
stings. Ah Gentlemen, that liue to
read my broken and confused lines, looke
not I should (as I was wont)
delight you with vaine fantasies, but
gather my follies altogether, and as
yee would deale with so many parricides,
cast them into the fire: call
them Telegones, for now they kil their
Father, and euery lewd line in them
written, is a deep piercing wound to my
heart; euery idle hour spent by
any in reading them, brings a million of
sorrowes to my soule. O that the
teares of a miserable man (for neuer any
man was yet more miserable) might
wash their memorie out with my death; and
that those works with mee
together might bee interd. But sith they
cannot, let this my last worke
witnes against them with mee, how I
detest them. Blacke is the remembrance
of my blacke works, blacker than night,
blacker than death, blacker than
hell.
Learne wit by my repentance
(Gentlemen) and let these fewe rules
following be regarded in your liues.
1. First in all your actions set God
before your eies; for the feare
of the Lord is the beginning of wisedome:
let his word be a lanterne to
your feete, and a light vnto your paths,
then shall you stand as firme
rocks, and not be mocked.
2. Beware of looking backe, for God
will not bee mocked; of him that
hath receiued much, much shal be demaunded.
3. If thou be single, and canst
abstaine, turne thy eies from vanitie;
for there is a kinde of women bearing the
faces of Angels, but the hearts
of Deuils, able to intrap the elect if it
were possible.
4. If thou be married, forsake not
the wife of thy youth to follow
straunge flesh; for whoremongers and
adulterers the Lord will iudge. The
doore of a harlot leadeth downe to death,
and in her lips there dwels
destruction; her face is decked with
odors, but shee bringeth a man to a
morsell of bread and nakednes: of which
myselfe am instance.
5. If thou be left rich, remember
those that want, & so deale, that by
thy wilfulnes thy selfe want not: Let not
Tauerners and Victuallers be thy
Executors; for they will bring thee to a
dishonorable graue.
6. Oppresse no man, for the crie of
the wronged ascendeth to the eares
of the Lord; neyther delight to encrease
by Usurie, least thou loose thy
habitation in the euerlasting Tabernacle.
Beware of building thy house to thy
neighbours hurt; for the stones
will crie to the timber, We were laide
together in bloud: and those that
so erect houses, calling them by their
names, shall lie in the graue lyke
sheepe, and death shall gnaw vpon their
soules.
8. If thou be poore, be also patient,
and striue not to grow rich by
indirect meanes; for goods so gotten
shall vanish away like smoke.
9. If thou be a Father, maister, or
teacher, ioyne good example with
good counsaile; else little auaile
precepts, where life is different.
10. If thou be a Sonne or Seruant,
despise not reproofe; for though
correction be bitter at the first, it
bringeth pleasure in the end.
Had I regarded the first of these
rules, or beene obedient to the
last: I had not now, at my last ende,
beene left thus desolate. But now,
though to my selfe I giue Consilium post
facta; yet to others they may
serue for timely precepts. And therefore
(while life giues leaue) I will
send warning to my olde consorts, which
haue liued as loosely as my selfe,
albeit weakenesse will scarce suffer me
to write, yet to my fellowe
Schollers about this Cittie, will I
direct these few insuing lines.
To those Gentlemen his Quondam
acquaintance,
that spend their wits in making Plaies,
R. G.
wisheth a better exercise, and wisedome
to preuent his extremities.
IF wofull experience may moue you
(Gentlemen) to beware, or vnheard of
wretchednes intreate you to take heed; I
doubt not but you will looke
backe with sorrow on your time past, and
indeuour with repentance to spend
that which is to come. Wonder not (for
with thee wil I first begin), thou
famous gracer of Tragedians, that Greene,
who hath said with thee (like
the foole in his heart) There is no God,
should now giue glorie vnto his
greatnes: for penetrating is his power,
his hand lies heauie vpon me, he
hath spoken vnto mee with a voice of
thunder, and I haue felt he is a God
that can punish enimies. Why should thy
excellent wit, his gift, bee so
blinded, that thou shouldst giue no glory
to the giuer? Is it pestilent
Machiuilian pollicy that thou hast
studied? O peeuish follie! What are his
rules but meere confused mockeries, able
to extirpate in small time the
generation of mankind. For if Sic volo,
sic iubeo, hold in those that are
able to commaund: and if it be lawfull
Fas & nefas to do any thing that is
beneficiall, onely Tyrants should
possesse the earth, and they striuing to
exceed in tyrannie, should each to other
bee a slaughter man; till the
mightiest outliuing all, one stroke were
left for Death, that in one age
man's life should end. The brother of
this Diabolicall Atheisme is dead,
and in his life had neuer the felicitie
he aemed at: but as he began in
craft, liued in feare, and ended in
despaire. Quàm inscrutabilia sunt Dei
iudicia? This murderer of many brethren,
had his conscience seared like
Caine: this betrayer of him that gaue his
life for him, inherited the
portion of Iudas: this Apostata perished
as ill as Iulian: and wilt thou
my friend be his Disciple? Looke vnto me,
by him perswaded to that
libertie, and thou shalt find it an
infernall bondage. I knowe the least
of my demerits merit this miserable
death, but wilfull striuing against
knowne truth, exceedeth al the terrors of
my soule. Defer not (with me)
till this last point of extremitie; for
little knowst thou how in the end
thou shalt be visited.
With thee I ioyne yong Iuuenall, that
byting Satyrist, that lastlie
with mee together writ a Comedie. Sweete
boy, might I aduise thee, be
aduisde, and get not many enemies by
bitter wordes: inueigh against vaine
men, for thou canst do it, no man better,
no man so wel: thou hast a
libertie to reprooue all, and none more;
for one being spoken to, all are
offended, none being blamed no man is
iniured. Stop shallow water still
running, it will rage, or tread on a
worme and it will turne: then blame
not Schollers vexed with sharpe lines, if
they reproue thy too much
libertie of reproofe.
And thou no lesse deseruing than the
other two, in some things rarer,
in nothing inferiour; driuen (as my
selfe) to extreme shifts, a little
haue I to say to thee: and were it not an
idolatrous oth, I would sweare
by sweet S. George, thou art vnworthy
better hap, sith thou dependest on
so meane a stay. Base minded men all
three of you, if by my miserie ye be
not warned: for vnto none of you (like
me) sought those burres to cleaue:
those Puppets (I meane) that speake from
our mouths, those Anticks
garnisht in our colours. Is it not
strange that I, to whom they al haue
beene beholding: is it not like that you,
to whome they all haue beene
beholding, shall (were yee in that case
that I am now) bee both at once of
them forsaken? Yes, trust them not: for
there is an vpstart Crow,
beautified with our feathers, that with
his Tygers hart wrapt in a Players
hyde, supposes he is as well able to
bombast out a blanke verse as the
best of you: and being an absolute
Iohannes fac totum, is in his owne
conceit the onely Shake-scene in a
countrey. O that I might intreate your
rare wits to be imploied in more profitable
courses: & let those Apes
imitate your past excellence, and neuer
more acquaint them with your
admired inuentions. I know the best
husband of you all will neuer proue an
Usurer, and the kindest of them all will
neuer seeke you a kind nurse: yet
whilest you may, seeke you better
Maisters; for it is pittie men of such
rare wits, should be subiect to the
pleasure of such rude groomes.
In this I might insert two more, that
both haue writ against these
buckram Gentlemen: but let their owne
works serue to witnesse against
their owne wickednesse, if they perseuere
to mainteine any more such
peasants. For other new-commers, I leaue
them to the mercie of these
painted monsters, who (I doubt not) will
driue the best minded to despise
them: for the rest, it skils not though
they make a ieast at them.
But now returne I againe to you
three, knowing my miserie is to you no
news: and let me hartily intreate you to
bee warned by my harms. Delight
not (as I haue done) in irreligious
oathes; for from the blasphermers
house, a curse shall not depart. Despise
drunkennes, which wasteth the
wit, and maketh men all equall vnto
beasts. Flie lust, as the deathsman of
the soule, and defile not the Temple of
the holy Ghost. Abhorre those
Epicures, whose loose life hath made
religion lothsome to your eares: and
when they sooth you wit htearmes of
Mastership, remember Robert Greene,
whome they haue often so flattered,
perishes now for want of comfort.
Remember Gentlemen, your liues are like
so many lighted Tapers, that are
with care deliuered to all of you to
maintaine: these with wind-puft wrath
may be extinguisht, which drunkennes put
out, which negligence let fall:
for mans time is not of it selfe to
short, but it is more shortned by
sinne. The fire of my light is now at the
last snuffe, and the want of
wherwith to sustaine it, there is no
substance left for life to feede on.
Trust not then (I beseech yee) to such
weake staies: for they are as
changeable in minde, as in many attyres.
Well, my hand is tired, and I am
forst to leaue where I would begin; for a
whole booke cannot contain their
wrongs, which I am forst to knit vp in
some few lines of words.
Desirous that you should liue,
though himselfe be dying,
Robert Greene.
Now to all men I bid farewel in like
sort, with this conceited Fable
of that olde Comedian Aesope.
AN Ant and a Grashopper walking
together on a Greene, the one
carelesly skipping, the other carefully
prying what winters prouision was
scattered in the way: the Grashopper
scorning (as wantons will) this
needelesse thrift (as he tearmed it)
reprooued him thus:
The greedie miser thirsteth still for
gaine;
His thrift is theft, his weale works
others woe:
That foole is fond which will in caues
remaine,
VVhen mongst faire sweets he may at
pleasure goe.
To this the Ant perceiuing the
Grashoppers meaning, quickly repliyde:
The thriftie husband spares what
vnthrift spends,
His thrift no theft, for dangers to
prouide:
Trust to thy selfe, small hope in vvant
yeeld friendes,
A caue is better than the deserts wide.
In short time these two parted, the
one to his pleasure, the other to
his labour. Anon Haruest grewe on, and reft
from the Grashopper his
woonted moysture. Then weakly skipt hee
to the medowes brinks: where till
fell winter he abode. But storms
continually powring, hee went for succour
to the Ant his olde acquaintance, to whom
he had scarce discouered his
estate, but the waspish little worme made
this reply.
Pack hence (quoth he) thou idle lazie
worme,
My house doth harbour no vnthriftie
mates:
Thou scornedst to toile, & now thou
feelst the storme,
And starust for foode while I am fed
with cates.
Vse no intreats, I will relentlesse
rest,
For toyling labour hates an idle
guest.
The Grashopper, foodlesse, helplesse,
and strengthles, got into the
next brooke, and in the yeelding sand
digde himselfe a pit: by which hee
likewise ingrau'de this Epitaph.
When Springs greene prime arrayd me
with delight,
And euery power with youthfull vigor
fild,
Gaue strength to worke what euer fancie
wild:
I
neuer feard the force of winters spight.
Whhen first I saw the sunne the day
begin,
And dry the Mornings teares from hearbs
and grasse;
I little thought his chearefull light
would passe,
Till vgly night with darknes enterd in.
And then day lost I mournd, spring
past I wayld,
But neither teares for this or that
auailde.
Then too too late I praisd the Emmets
paine,
That sought in spring a harbour gainst
the heate:
And in the haruest gathered winters
meat,
Preuenting famine, frosts, and stormy
raine.
My wretched end may warne Greene
springing youth,
To vse delights as toyes that will
deceiue,
And scorne the world before the world
them leaue:
For all worlds trust, is ruine without ruth.
Then blest are they that like the
toyling Ant,
Prouide in time gainst winters
wofull want.
With this the Grashopper yeelding to
the weathers extremit[y], died
comfortles without remedy. Like him my
selfe: like me, shall al that trust
to friends or times inconstancie. Now
faint of my last infirmity,
beseeching them that shal burie my bodie,
to publish this last farewell
written with my wretched hand.
Fælicem fuisse infaustum.
A letter written to his wife, found with
this booke after his death.
THe remembrance of the many wrongs
offred thee, and thy vnreproued
virtues, adde greater sorrow to my
miserable state, than I can vtter or
thou conceiue. Neither is it lessended by
consideration of thy absence,
(though shame would hardly let me beholde
thy face) but exceedingly
aggrauated, for that I cannot (as I
ought) to thy owne selfe reconcile my
selfe, that thou mightest witnesse my
inward woe at this instant, that
haue made thee a wofull wife for so long
a time. But equall heauen hath
denied that comfort, giuing at my last
neede like succour as I haue sought
all my life: being in this extremitie as
voide of helpe, as thou hast
beene of hope. Reason would, that after
so long wast, I should not send
thee a child to bring thee greater
charge: but consider he is the fruit of
thy wombe, in whose face regarde not the
Fathers faultes so much, as thy
owne perfections. He is yet Greene, and
may grow straight, if he be
carefully tended: otherwise, apt enough
(I feare me) to follow his Fathers
folly. That I haue offended thee highly I
knowe; that thou canst forget my
iniuries I hardly beleeue: yet perswade I
my selfe, if thou saw my
wretched estate thou couldst not but
lament it: nay, certainly I know thou
wouldst. All my wrongs muster themselues
before me, euery euill at once
plagues mee. For my contempt of God, I am
contemned of men: for my
swearing and forswearing, no man will
beleeue me: for my gluttony, I
suffer hunger: for my drunkennes, thirst:
for my adultery, vlverous sores.
Thus God hath cast me downe, that I might
be humbled: and punished me for
example of other sinners: and altogether
he suffers me in this world to
perish without succor, yet trust I in the
world to come to find mercie, by
the merites of my Sauiour to whom I
commend this, and commit my soule.
Thy repentant husband for his dis-
loyaltie, Robert Greene.
Fælicem fuisse infaustum.
F I N I S.